I Will Wait for You
Many times over these past years I have asked above for forgiveness. Are words helpful, when no power is available on this side to confront the Scapegoats. I have asked the Universe for guidance each day, for correct conduct, for words that educate my kindred relationships carefully with practical processes. A Father's soul must be true, it cannot waver and it never will; these emotions, churning, are directed towards issues as I have seen many with my own eyes, but these words are not easily displayed and they do not rule any decision making processes - instincts learned well, to be humble and kind. As a Man I have purposely been aware of my own anger and have gained resentment for the chaos of opinions specifically, not to rule my judgment. I would not have survived the punishment of a business life without such separation. Every day in poverty, when everything I had ever worked for was reduced to ashes, I still prey to the Universe or a higher education in life for my children, so they have tools to disconcert, mercy to understand people who use your good nature for their own failures.
The Universe throws many curly situations during ones life, ups & downs, as a along and winding road where you find some times life has become all too much to bare; compounded by the highly strung timelessness of others fragile attitudes for all to hear everyday. The closest friend, a family member, some people you will not ever be able to read accurately. The character of human's will reduce you at some point to tears. You will find yourself questioning all values as the true character is revealed. I have seen tragedy: it rips you right to the educated core of your heart of how this could ever continue as intelligence of Humans.
Forgiveness is in that primal part that protects our own blood, but it is trust that defines others & you will encounter these at some stage as they become like ticks. I could not have brought myself over these years to hear rejection any more considering what had been taken, your beautiful hugs I miss the most and of what we achieved, where we travelled and where we lived. The tears swell in the corner of these eyes with collective feelings I know you have right now, yet are scared by, but know the lie's will continue and life will be revealed by karma to them at some stage that will be far more painful from actions we can't write accurately.
Torment for the separation of parents is a horrible thing, but it is far worse when your Father speculates you were a mistake, and then a Mother uses her Child's emotions to bring more resentment towards the scapegoat. Falsely constructing opinions & stories that only satisfy a one side. I had to endure all of this as a truth whilst growing up & the years in business. I have understood, through much counsel though, that emotional force never wins. As you travel through life, you each awaken at some point simply in a conversation, a comment by a friend, a token from the past and all may jolt a memory bringing tears.
My love for you and my Children should never have been denied. Relationships don't always work out as you'd planned as you will find, some are painfully unreasonable, some are hurtful and some can be Narcissistic when thinking of the person you first met. Infatuation is sinister entrée there will be many personal reasons for a marriage breakdown, with words filling books. To stay together without the love that completes us, which we all seek, becomes unreasonable as anger develops and that cannot be a sane option for a Child's future.
I have always wanted to be around my kids I came home each night as you know but that ideal for me was changed by words, opinions and actions of others as a crowd. Consider the truth of what had been taken from us by this emotional conflict. You each know in your hearts that I am a good person; I am you and you are each of me - the same blood, same skin and the same good intentions for everyone. I was very proud of my girl's, I always shared my good fortune by giving to others and my success gave a hit to hundreds of people each week. We are creative and be people who make the difference
I can't force anything here, I have reflected in pain at the photos on my table each day so all I can do is write these words as best I can. I know Love didn't cause any of the problems.
I will wait for you.....
© C O P Y R I G H T J U P I T E R P R O D U C T I O N S 1998 SPINNING AROUND IN JUPITER ® S K U T C H ® (ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)