11:11:11

 

Really I have wondered of how anyone can have the face to condemn others when he truthfully reflects upon his own thoughts. A greater part of life it seems is preoccupied by some in their own personal reverie and the more imaginative, the more vivid this will become for Self-ish acylations. How many of us could face having our thoughts automatically registered and set before us? We should be overcome with shame, crying that we could not be so wicked, as mean, as petty, as selfish, as obscene, as snobbish, as vein,  as that, yet surely, our reveries are as much part of us as our actions and if there were a being to whom our inmost thoughts were known

 

then we might just as well be held responsible for them to expose our true character......

 

I'd known from a young age as a business owner about productivity and profits, it needed dreams, maintenance, a great team & hard work.  Change was coming my way in rapid form. After many successful years in partnership, the Old Boy decided to sell out his portion of our business to the Hourman. The business grew and I held the forte at Christmas time each year, but there  never was a kind gesture - or a pat on the back,  only advice,  of how things will have be better in the future, or else! as he stated he was a financial partner now. The gift of wonderful hindsight gave him great delight on topics for your future betterment, but now as I look back at a very prosperous business I founded there were many damaging conversations that started occurring without my knowledge that cast some personal disease into my soul and after serving together for a few years I was bewildered to find out my business partner had really been a human termite. Scurrilous accusations wavered in-sequentially into my family life, conditioning my abilities and yet he had said I was like a Brother to my face. The Planning had reached a pinnacle when he was released from Hospital

 

'Why don't you get away for a couple of weeks,  so I can restore the moral around here...'

 

I ignored his Tone but accepted - a week later a letter came: 'You are sacked and you will be trespassing if you come back...'  I knew what I was capable of, I was fucking angry,  but thankfully I received counsel to be Patient as Newton's theory speculated all force had an equally opposing force, use and be used was the principle of manipulating the Word. I have learnt of peoples reactions to such adversity is either pragmatic, sympathetic or complete denial of events.  I always knew though that these people who proclaim such opinions are guilty and one day I would rise again to see the light.

 

In looking back, I realise that what I have written must seem very unsatisfactory to some......

 

I've no real need to get even, these emotions all become meaningless over time, but I do have pleasure casting a light on the actual situation, of those who could proclaim  such 'irrationality' while using my children. This sad conspiracy was for money. I found the legal system only works for money that I lacked, telling the barrister, 'When you are ready to end this game off yours I'd appreciate it'.  I had thought the morality spoken was morality you'd receive by owning my intentions naturally and that if I was going through some sort of crisis  that my kindred 'Brother' would have supported me as I had done for him; which he didn't, leaving me penniless and emotionally destroyed thinking about how my Children and my Mother had told me they would never be apart of my life again because of what I had done to them.

 

The meaning of such remains obscure to me......

 

I could not have ever really understood what the crime was that led him to such evil emotional abuse - maybe jealous for Patience.  I think that courage failed you in some way Old Mate or that maybe you didn't receive such a gift in the first place. The weakness for flesh, lacking the essence of creativity - all this must have communicated an anxiety way down deep into your soul. I do not know what infinite yearning possesses you, driven to this perilous and lonely perverted place, expecting to find happiness by taking others. I do not know to what inscrutable Nirvana you are actually seeking here from these actions,  accept to draw your own pain when everyone has woken up to such mischief. What happened to you Brother? Adversity & a Poor Woman is the truth of  this situation, and as my intentions have been questioned, well then, fuck the both of you.....

 

I feel so sorry for you Poor Woman.....

 

Men forget the horrible thoughts that wander through their own minds and are indignant when they discover them in others. It seemed so unworthy of me looking back to have partnered such a great Poet,  that he should impugn the undoubted virtue of his desires, snobbishly towards me, to plume himself of his own bastard virtues. When you were Pointing to that little wooden house saying proudly 'I screwed her Sister in that front yard' Could anyone honesty claim any morality after such a feat or better still that you boasted in laughter that it was just before your wedding night.  I guess she had to feel the pain of Child birth alone too, with your first Child,  as you were away in Europe weren't you?  selfishly partying and yet boasting to me of so many wild experiences, saying you didn't want to come back.  No harm in a portly young girl friend on the side, is there,  especially for some introverted stories in future conversations. The classic story teller's of Morals didn't throw stones for fodder and sooner or later we all awaken to find out that joke has returned at our expense, by all who are drawn to the Fodder. 

 

Do you not see the damage that you've done, my Bastard brother?

 

I've seen your children grow up over time into young adults, but don't take any credit my dear Poet,  for you were always away. At least I credit with grace the poor Woman in this instance. You would crave sympathy from me: 'I wished I’d been a better Father'  cried simple words and these words were ordinary enough i guess, but to my mind there was also something in them so hortatory that looking back now I almost smile. Life must be loved by the hypocrite it seems, when I went home each night to see my children before they went to sleep each night and you didn't - and somehow your opinions have somehow prevailed.  I mean to be able to even justify words, to others saying a happy disposition must always be ethereal nonsense.  On the Families occasions where were you,  more likely away from the family shooting animals and  bragging about stray roots on your trips away and when asked about the poor Woman,  justifying;  'she’ll have to get over it'

 

Oh dear, the ridicule is a never ending story 'a great Poet & his gift to the World...'

 

Were those escapades just larger than life,  saying to me 'I need to get some blood on my hands'. What a man I thought, and when you wanted a new life up north in succession - your use of the English language becomes exquisitely divine, adequately describing such overstated pomposity: 'I’ll get lots of stray Roots up there!'  Born to an imagination so irreparable. You were so overwhelmed and well rehearsed in the stories  of those who had portrayed sexual triumph or enthusiasm of monetary success.  Yet you could create jokes even about your own Brother’s wife, yet ironically stick it up our employees for long mobile phone calls.  Funny enough when it was always you who'd  bumped your cell phone into an unknown connection 'and she heard everything'  You had the Boys rolling with laughter at 'the fucking stupid Bitch', with nil embarrassment. A unique specialty of creating  jokes from misfortune, evil witches and poultry females, lacking respect even for your own blood. Your skill for comedy I should never credit when the boys heard laughter of the poor Woman turning barren, but it was quite different when we discussed your periods of self pity, eh?

 

Put an arm around my shoulder - and consider: that you could actually look me in the face and say I was like a Brother....  

 

Can there be any 'Self truth' in such a mind, I mean the cold shoulder I'd received well, but to think even your best mate could face the tongue of satire behind his back, but sadly the act of humiliation was an art-form. 'Pity we got the third partner involved'  that was a classic  'The Old Boy doesn't trust you with Money'  I say in disgust. What about : 'I don't know why I keep her around still..'  And I have to add 'He's so loud & bloody annoying but I keep him around  in case I need him'  The Poet who criticizes his allies, but is now discovered as a sinner.  How could anyone place their trust in you  knowing they will be used at some point with poetic clichés, for the laughter of all others in your meaningless life. In reality though it made no difference really, whether you were around or not - days spent carefully telling people of their problems while scrutinising the petrol accounts for chewing gum. No wonder we were so profitable.

 

Truth is you are just a leach, useless matter, have nil creativity & I purport you'll die never having loved anyone but yourself....

 

Laying in Hospital on your back for four months who hugged you, loved you - Saying 'it will be alright' as you carefully sodomised my future with such 'Drama'. Didn't I care about you Brother?  Did your pay go into your precious account as usual?  You must create laughter at what a sucker I was for you to easily manipulate. How does one actually sleep well at night, knowing they have used young Children hearts for such short term gain, by infecting them with evil opinions of a good Father - who had actually founded a huge business with the Old Boy many years before you were even known. It makes one think of actually how much money you had been taking all along that seems to create its own topic for discussion, secretly reconciled in your own accounts on the side. I guess it would be in the millions.

 

The  Word, now aimed at your unsatisfying, dramatic, throw away World...

 

Justify your indignant nature of these affairs when others start asking for your answers and tread carefully now Brother as many know you have vulnerable faulty parts. Unseen powers are always active and as the Relativity of life delivers forces that are equal and opposing in values to yours. As for the acts for greed, the dedication to laughter in defaming even your own family; well there is so much more to discuss isn't there? Represent a Poetic version of pride as your defence, but  know your actions will be rewarded manifesting such drama. It is the slimy tongue of insincerity that eases down your pants while the knife is placed directly into your heart and the smile of a Rat becomes your only reward, associating with such false Men. It is the means of understanding these acts that must be trivial to a few. 

 

'Look in the mirror  my Brother and see who is actually staring back at you ..'  

 

 

 

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