Humble Pie

The Aquarius New Moon

11:11

 

 

She had a Heart,  I'd known that for years,  but its was her mind,  that had become a thoroughly in-efficient organ.  My sincerity  towards her though, had become exhausted,  intolerant to  the no sense emotional games, that went on & on. A philosopher would surely have said her mind appropriated on demand emotions so specifically that when she spoke of truth, it could only be considered  trivia.  I had searched for peace and redemption, sick of being told how I should change. How proud she must be of using her own Children to pay me back, teaching them of how love should be given conditionally,  which Parent should be loved - while being coerced by a man who had once called me 'Brother'. In my research though,  what would appear in all these poorly intended actions were opposite forces,  of justice, as the Angel's of Karma send down those almost 'spooky'  feelings of entanglement,  creeping into the future conversation, in word structures that trigger unforseen Emotions popping up almost like a smack in the face,  in the most awkward places and so much so that no-one really cared to believe in them ever again. The Children will remember all of this chapter and hopefully they will learn for they will also find many other  Poetic people in life,  who will try to take charge of their spirits in the same way.

 

Abusing the Word......

 

I hoped she could really understand 'the  fallout was for the Children' at their weddings, for their grandkids,  in denying herself any attention to the part she played selfishly alienating the children. And all along, ironically 'that voice inside' should protect us in a condition of faith? The Poet must have cast his magnetic forces well, collecting all these 'Shards' into a circle - where the simpletons are held together by fictitious prose, attracting their weak character,  but more specifically I say,  she was used in a game, the Hourman had played well to acquire all the financial assets we both had built. The Devil must be laughing at how she gave away all our assets and destroyed the Children's future  inheritance. I'm sure it wasn't about the monetary value, or even the property assets she gave away in anger, nor the million dollars she wagered on evil lawyers, as this story isn't about any sort of unrequited love.  I speculate that  maybe she herself had  broken free  into her own Mardi-Gras, after all it was only the similarity of those colloquial, aquatic relationships, as I remembered,  that ever gave her any pleasure in life. Was she searching to escape the pain of marriage. Great acting one has had to endure,  seeing the victim pretend, in marriage even, for the wooing of hugs and kisses, but I say now in looking back though, was always her true nature. 

 

Adversity & a Poor Woman.....

 

Could she be awoken to  see a huge terrifying fictional disaster, had besieged upon her whilst he sat in my own Kitchen - how depraved, maybe he giggled with excitement as he left thinking of so much bounty there was to be had from one legal case. Karma is quite satisfying when one hears  'I don't know why I keep her around?' Don't you just love that line, how clumsy these selfish minds become. Pollution  I think may be a cause - I see the novel  'the Carbon Woman' the Heroine left as  a rhetorical pile of smouldering emotional black soot,  while the Hourman laughs at the residue - as dust in the wind.  I find this aspect the most amazing , in considering that no one else could have actually been able to find any reason to trust in such people as Mr Piggy & the Hourman. Cheers for the side of justice, but so very exhilarating considering one's thought processes of trying to fool herself there can be any loyalty for her part,  when her life was controlled by such Toads from Toad Hall.   The true character is  revealed through adversity,  in conceding to one's self so weakly that more emotional drama is appropriate, for the poor Woman, to continue such a charade.

 

Who should be loved.....

 

How contrived it must be, pretending to be a victim & the good wife - what  I remember on reflection was endlessly hearing about her brothers faults, my Mother who depressed her and that she had been abused  as a Child, by one of her own family - but  these claims must be arbitrary too, in considering the unconscious fantasies I endured for years for the sympathy she so craved.   Actions I've seen in others, denying the lies, saying its their truth, quantitively easing in more lies needed to cover up the original lies,  by telling my children their Father was unacceptable to her religious beliefs. Are there words that can awaken  such a lost spirit?

 

One second of Process.....

 

I must bring to bare here, some stories which I'd heard over the preceding years. 'I got her shares for nothing ....'  the people she had trusted, now turned the attention to removing the final piece of the puzzle. Great intentions? so many such conversations had been overheard by real friends and her personal destruction continued I believe as the slave who is easily guided by  such perverted adversaries. 'We're never going to be close ...' another yarn by the Waivs of Time, 'You should leave her...' I think back and try to justify why all this fucking Drama had happened to me when I came home every night. Were conciliatory thoughts needed for such actions, or was it that she'd never really grown up. I find the need to write this all down just for my own benevolence?  How strange it was to discover that the protagonists had actually been spreading such statements against her? Had they respect for anyone? I think not when remembering how they spoke of their own family members for laughter.

 

The book of   Drama.......

 

Many lessons I have learned from the book of Drama.  I was disgusted to be cursed by some childish cut-out newspaper message,  sent to me just after all this mess began. I could not ever have reconciled, in any way, using my Children emotionally, even after all the pain and poverty of such drama left me with many troubled thoughts of  the People we supposedly know. I do remember her and so much that was good.  I was proud of our achievements and extremely overjoyed by the kids we brought into this World.  For my own morality,  I've  asked the Universe this year, as the Planets all align, to end this drama,  as the loss to intelligence must be seen as far less painful than losing the true friend she once had.

 

2016 - The Age of Reason

 

    C O P Y R I G H T  J U P I T E R P R O D U C T I O N S 1998 SPINNING AROUND IN JUPITER    S  K  U  T  C  H   (ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)